Finally, I graduated from high school! I don't have to go back anymore unless I need to do some errands.

First year college... A huge difference!

No more uniforms

soda and snacks allowed

freedom to sleep in class, or skip it.

No,

not really that fun

.

.

I miss my friends

although I don't really miss them that much.

Something that never changes

is change itself.

A lot has changed.

So much that I couldn't get used to them at all.

Speaking of getting used to something, I'm still not used to giving that spark to my dull bloggggg.

The main problem is having too much to talk about but couldn't find a way to link everything so that they all go together..

No worries though, I'm still going to update them, when something exciting happens!

That girl + this guy = UGHHH

So, sorry for not updating ever since New Year's Day. A lot has been going on with my little life. For starters, I deleted a girl. Luckily I'm not ruing the day for taking that action.. Honestly, I can't stand her bitchy attitude. AND she's mean!

And then......there's her secret admirer... I already promised myself not to bring this thing up again.. But then this post would seem less interesting? What the hay!

Just to start it off, all's unfair in love and friendship. I got ditched like 8 out of 10 times. Whenever I ask him to hang out, there are always excuses, exhaustion, laziness etc. But when that crap asks him out, he springs into action. Well, at least message me that you're out of your house and not leave me there waiting like a total idiot.. I don't even wanna get myself started on the text messages.

Honestly, I was even more exasperated after looking back at those events. I stopped replying in windows live messenger, I couldn't bother replying his texts anymore. At least have him have a taste of his medicine, right? :S

But after 2 days of cold war, there's really nothing much to talk anymore. I even find him weird now... Oh well, friends come and go. And I even got used to loneliness after some time. No, I'm not indicating this just to get sympathy or other crap. I don't need no sympathy from people. Because socializing isn't my thing anymore...

1/1/11

First off, Happy 2011 guys! Now feel free to go crazy, play some fireworks, drink some beers and wake up the next morning on a bed with that special, random someone next to you.

But I thought they're just numbers? Zzz

Yeah, judging by that sentence, new year means nothing to me. Nothing special happens. Except maybe a few noisy fireworks displays and a couple of screams. I need sleep too you know..

Anyways, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not making any resolutions for 2011.

DECEMBER 2010...

Exam is OFFICIALLY over! Yes, that means I'm putting my high school life behind me, closing all the chapters I've been through. But, putting all those friends, memories and all the best things in life that had ever happened to me behind..? Let's HOPE not...

Closing this chapter is easy, for some people who can't have to have a better life than constantly getting teased by popular kids, peer pressure? For the rest is hard. Hard to clear out that throat to say goodbye to your BFFs. Hard to imagine what the future unfolds, how many new friends are you going to have, how many old friends will you lose contact with.

No doubt, some people won't even miss the high school life... For those who felt like losers for 5 years in the running, what's the point of missing high school life? Or a high school that resembles state prison: uniforms, tight rules, old and grumpy teachers..

The rests.....yeah, they will miss high school: being with friends, learning together, having fun...(ignore if it sounds awfully cheesy+cliche) For people like me, yeah, I WILL miss my high school life. Because feeling bored in school and feeling bored at home after high school graduation yet still have to wait for test results to move on which takes 3 months process has subtle differences. Don't ask me what differences, it's hard to describe those..

True, friends come and go, but just how many can you get a tight grip of? Don't forget, they are human too, they have rights to move on...... Honestly, I'm not good at goodbyes nor hellos. Soon, I MIGHT move on too....far away from where you guys are, and I WILL miss you guys; though the only memories you guys have about me is the constant depression and indifferent expressions in class.

Is it possible for the roads to juncture again??

FAKE AFFECTIONS

are intolerable

and

will not be
reciprocated.

WILL result


in
failure and

UTTER

disappointment.

So study already, stop making commitments to the subjects you want pass through facebook without bothering the flip through any pages sitting on the desk in front of you?

Anyway, 2 subjects left. Good luck?

p.s.

If you look at this post, you're failing.

Promising Land

I couldn't sleep again and I thought why not post what's on my mind. Plus, it's been a long while since I last updated my blog (months ago).... and I thought of making it up today.

So I'm sure not everyone's satisfied with where they're living now. Some may not be satisfied living with family, urging to hit the legal age and move out. Of course, you only need a place to stay and salary to keep yourself alive. Others, like me, may not be satisfied living in their own country.

I don't know why...but I've been dreaming of living in the United States since I was 6... Until at the age of 16, I felt like I don't belong here. It's like people here don't get me. 2 hours ago, she asked what was so special about America that I simply couldn't resist. Well, I don't know....

But one thing I do know. Once I leave, everything changes. I might not see my friends ever again. Friends that have kept me company when I was bored, depressed or even happy. No, facebook doesn't really count. I'll miss their voices, their laugh... But isn't that worth for chasing after your own future and happiness? Am I happy? Will I ever be happy if I really got to America??

So, where do you belong? Where do I belong?

Always alone.

12.40a.m.

I don't mind staying up late today. I know something's building up inside me but I just couldn't tell what it is.. Even if I knew what it was, I find it almost impossible to convey them into letters..

So, today's October 27th 2010, Wednesday. Only 2 days away from the 'big', 'extravagant' graduation ceremony..

A part of me just can't wait to get this over with and leave.

Because that part of me thinks this is no big deal. Since I am always by myself all the time. If I sit there quietly waiting to be approached, chances of me being the big time loner is 85% and I am not kidding.. But of course, to avoid being a loner, you have to approach people MORE rather than waiting, having a good sense of humor, be as outgoing as you can be.

But approaching people all the time is really just tiring.......

Another part of me, the one who approaches people more, feels sentimental about leaving school... I honestly doubt I would ever see my classmates again. Even if I do, they would have changed a lot.. But mostly I will only miss my best friends. Hah

Class seemed interesting today, by interesting I meant a total bore fest. I can only keep myself from falling asleep is by talking to a guy next to me. Talking.....went well, I suppose. But we talked more about his love life etc.etc.. He's a really nice guy. He lives with his sister, his parents got divorced, his mom lives a new guy and his dad's time is almost up. But I admire him. How he managed to still stand, apart from living in this sort of situation. His grades are good, everyone likes him. The only thing stopping him from being perfect is his acne problems. But after that clears up, woah.....

Speaking of family matters..... A best friend of mine's parents are getting a divorcement too. Not to mention my own mother. *ironic?*

Okay, can I say the 21st century society has corrupt? Fine maybe not.. I don't know. How does it feel to be me? 2 words, No Idea.

Everybody tells me that this is already considered Normal to most teenagers but what the heck do they know? They have parents.. I have a parent. And I don't live with my parent.

STOP. Ranting overload... maybe I'll try this another time. I'm burning night light and my face ain't getting any better......... Is this where I bid a goodbye to the invisible people out there in the open world full of dreams and possibilities? Yes. Bye..